Lists

I often make lists of what I need to do. Sticky-notes upon sticky notes are haphazardly dispersed in my planner, each with a list of "to-do's for today," "to-do's for tomorrow," "to-do's for next week." I neatly write out the "to" to "do" and put a little underlined blank beside it. A nook waiting for a checkmark.

About two or three weeks before the end of every semester I make a list. Its a giant To-Do List, typically taking up a full sheet of notebook paper and sometimes a second column. I make the list, I cry a little on the inside, and then I make it happen. These lists of tangible assignments and obligations help me to organize my workload.

But I wonder about looking at my life why I can't just write down my goals and follow them. Its because I have very little clarity on my future goals and aspirations. But in light of some recent struggles I have gained just enough clarity to give me peace. I made a list to live by and I've memorized it. :)

I've never been brave enough to make a "bucket list" or any kind of life goal list, mostly because I don't trust myself to finish anything that I start. Here is my list that I want to act upon and continue until I die.


love people.
love God.
write some pretty words along the way.




I know it is abstract. But it is enough for me. And in a world that is constantly shifting and hurting...these are three things I want to be a part of me always.


muchlove.

nikkiraye

Hunting for Inspiration

Today I went hunting for some inspiration in my writing. I made a point that I was going to detach myself from my typical schooling duties and have some time for me. I decided today, that I was going to breath.

aaaah. Breathing. Rest. Any other gear besides rushing and procrastinating (I live in those two gears as a college student).

Today was a good day for breathing. We just had 2 days of heavy rain and then here comes a Sunday afternoon with warm sunshine, brisk winds, and a sky full of white puffy clouds...it could not have been more perfect for me.

I left my apartment and explored some places on my campus that I've never been to before. I brought my camera, my journal, and a book. Well, I forgot a pen, subsequently there was no journaling while I was out, but I filled up a small SD card. So why did I call this little adventure hunting? Because today I made myself seek out beautiful things. I made myself turn off school mode and just live.

I went hunting for inpiration, describing things that I saw to myself and letting small things catch my eye again. I miss seeing the world around me as poetic. Beautiful things right infront of your face become a blurr if you rush around all of the time. With all that said, breathing is good and if I can't see inspiration in my daily life right now, well then I better go looking for it...why walk through life and not be inspired by it?

Here are a couple of pictures that I just found pretty. They aren't super fancy photos, they were just beautiful when I saw them. I'll explin why underneath:








I was napping on a bench and reading on and off, when I noticed this tree in the woods. Its beautiful! Its one lone purple tree in a completley green wooded area. I rarely gender trees, but this tree is the Helen of these woods. Royal and elegant. Also, when I walked underneath her, the ground was littered with purple bell flowers, like rose pedals on a church aisle. I sort of felt like a bride walking over them. I have walked past this tree multiple times and never saw it as much of anything, but today as I inentionally rested and allowed myself to be renewed I saw this tree a little different, and maybe a little clearer.



I see poetry everyday, even when I don't recognize it. What I hope becomes more of a habit in my life is this hunting for inspiration, an intentionality towards seeing beauty. Hopefully seeing a tree for more than just a tree will strengthen my vision in seeing people as more than just people. Typical hunting for animals all ends the same way...with a carcass. But my hunting...oh, it ends with ideas and ideas make change.

muchlove.

Peace in the Violence

One of the most poetic attributes of my God is His ability to speak through contradictions. I'm beginning to see this everywhere, that God is not bound by what I consider 'good sense'. I find it quite beautiful how through what I see as inconsistency, God brings truth. Lately I have experienced violence within close proximity to the ones I love most dearly. It hurts me to see people hurt each other. Although I know there is so much violence I ignore in my world, I'm reffering to violence and chaos within family units. Yet, here I sit on Good Friday and I see that this is a day of violence. This is a day of pain, punishment, and death. This is a day of redemption, love, and life. Today Jesus Christ paid my debt, He endured tortures and shames that I could nevery fully wrap my sinful mind and hands around. Today is the epitome of peace in the midst of violence. I find it easy to feel hopeless when I think about how much we hurt each other as humanity. But, MY GOD is a God who brings peace despite the violence. God not only brings life, but overcomes death. Today is that day.


I don't have a fully developed, lengthy, and inspirational point to this. Just that I see hope in violence...and that is poetry.

Muchlove.

nikkiraye